Just Because I’m Single…

21 Jul

I have a beef to make…is that the right saying?  If not, here’s what I’m trying to say…I have a problem with married people.  Not that I’m not happy for you. Or your respective husbands or wives. Or children. Or pets. My problem is that you think just because I am single, I have more flexibility than you do.

Newsflash: I am just as busy, if not busier than you.  Here’s why:

  • I have to clean my house. I am not a two-income household. And yes, my house may be smaller than yours, but I have MY OWN and I have to clean it. I have some disposable income, but not enough to pay for a housekeeper.  Which most of you do. The housekeeper, that is. You don’t have to worry about keeping your home clean because some helps you.
  • Similar to above, I have to do my own grocery shopping and cooking. I have no help for that. So sometimes, I spend my Sunday mornings prepping for the rest of the week. I can’t just send my hubby to do it.
  • Did I mention my bills? I have to take the time to pay for them. And guess what, with a home – I have the same amount/number of bills as you.  Mortgage, insurance, water, etc.etc. etc.
  • And God forbid something breaks. I need to research and find people to help fix the big problems in my house – y’know…A/C, plumbing, etc. And guess what? That takes time and money. Must I reiterate this is a one-income, one person household? So it all falls on me.
  • I work very long hours. I work across many different timezones – and oftentimes work 12 hour days. And I can’t use the reason of going home to a family to get the better work/life balance. I still have to commute, clean, cook, and take care of me.  Which all takes time.
  • I date. Yes, just because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I don’t go out. Do you know how exhausting it is to date in your 30s? Especially when you work 12 hour days (see above!)? And it takes more effort than when in your 20s to make yourself look presentable.
  • I have pets just like you. But when I travel – and trust me, I travel more than most – I have to figure out who takes cares of Bella. I don’t have husband to watch over her  when I leave. I have to plan. (And yes, pay for a petsitter.)
  • I commute – and unfortunately, it takes a long time to get to the job that pays me what I need to be paid in order to pay the mortgage, the bills, my food, and my pet sitter for when I travel. Not that you don’t commute as well, but I don’t have that person to lean on, talk to, vent to, etc. when commuting for long periods of time.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think your lives are always perfect. And I appreciate every single one of my friends and feel that being husbands/wives/parents are the greatest gifts you can offer to this world. But I also hope that this feeling could be reciprocated. Just once for the single girl.

Because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I can just always come to you. Sometimes if you came to me, had dinner at my house, or simply understood that I can’t always drop my responsibilities at the drop of a hat just because you want me to, I would feel better.  But to always expect me to drive the 10, 20, 50+ miles to visit you…well, its a hard pill to swallow.

For once, it would be nice if the married people understood that being single still has it’s responsibilities. Just because we’re single, doesn’t mean that we are single-minded.

What I Want

2 Jun

OK, so recently I’ve talked about the positive aspects of girls weekends and the power of affirmations.  One of my greatest friends (yes, she is part of Girls Weekend) recently reminded me that in order to take the power back in finding my soulmate, I need to write everything down that I want/don’t want in my perfect love. I’ve done it before, so I figured, I need to re-visit/re-write this list. Again, what better place than here to put it out to the world.  So here goes:

What I Want/Deserve/Need:

  1. Someone I’m attracted to – Surfer Dude was perfection! We were attracted to each other on so many levels. It actually started off on an intellectual level (which I think was the best way), then evolved into emotional and physical levels.
  2. Someone who is caring – believes in volunteering and doing good in this world.
  3. Someone who wants to travel, try new restaurants, taking cooking class or golf lessons with me.
  4. Someone who believes in his job. He doesn’t need to make a six-figure salary, but he needs to be able to take care of himself monetarily and enjoy his work (i.e. don’t hate your job. We all have days, but hating your job and complaining about it on a regular basis – no, thank you. No bueno.)
  5. Someone who likes his family and spends time with them.
  6. Someone who has a close circle of friends. Who wants to bring me into that world and vice versa. I.e. I want him to accept my friends and want to become part of my world.
  7. No drama please. Surfer Dude was awesome and amazing in SO MANY WAYS, but he brought the drama. It was toxic. It was hurtful. It was totally unnecessary.
  8. Someone who can just chill – whether it’s laying in bed on a lazy Sunday or sit out on the back deck enjoying a sunset with a glass of wine in hand.
  9. Someone who accepts my somewhat crazy lifestyle.  I am emotionally close with my family, but not physically. It takes planes, trains, and automobiles to see them. I travel for work – and this is just a fact in my world.  But I’d want someone who would like to come with me when/if it is possible/appropriate.
  10. He has to like Ms. Bella.  Well he doesn’t have to love her like I do, but he has to accept we’re a package deal.
  11. He has to appreciate the finer things in life – and appreciate the fact I do as well. But still loves me on down days when I’m in workout gear cleaning the house and running errands.
  12. Someone who isn’t lazy – i.e. can clean up the house/after himself.  Being quiet and lazy is fun sometimes (see point 8), but it cannot be a lifestyle.
  13. Dress nicely – yes, superficial, but it’s needed sometimes in this world. At least I have a couple of suits to wear to weddings and shoes that aren’t just sneakers.
  14. Oh, and if he can cook, that’s a major plus.
  15. Romantic – even if it’s something like holding my hand in my public, giving me little kisses before bed, or something extravagant. I need romance (don’t most women!)
  16. Love me for me.  No one is perfect, but I need someone who can accept me for me.  Warts and all. But also looks for and expects the best out of me.

I’m sure there is more…I just need to think about it. But this is a good and important start! Now UNIVERSE, BRING HIM TO ME!

 

XO,

TiWID

A Song for Every Situation

31 May

I have Song Saturday always on my brain.  Why? I said it in my last post, I feel that there can be a song that captures every situation we’re in perfectly.  It can be fun, it can be sad, it can anything.

Every time I turn on my iPod, every song reminds me of a situation. Every one brings back a memory. Or it can invoke a feeling of something I want.  For instance, whenever I hear Zedd, I think of Surfer Dude, but whenever I hear Michael Buble’s song “Save the Last Dance“, I know some man is thinking of me when it comes to me. Or whenever I hear “Home“, I always think of the ones I’ve lost (actually, I specifically think of a friend I haven’t spoken to in years – someone who was my best friend, but treated me poorly.  I miss him, but I hope he learned something from our doomed friendship.)

Then there are the happy songs.  The ones that make you want to get up dance, go for a killer workout, or have a girls night out.  Basically, the ones that help you get into your groove. Hold on to those, hold on to them tightly. They are the ones that help you get through the tough times.  And make the better times even more awesome!

 

My Psychic’s Advice

28 May

Yes, yes – I go to a psychic. He is amazing, he is wonderful.  He actually knows more about my past than I care to admit. And I’ve been going to him on a pretty regular basis for several years.  He knows I want to find the love of my life – and he has been pretty consistent about my future.  Basically he has said the following:

  • I will be in a relationship/married well within five years (phew)
  • I am open to being married (well, yes, yes I am)
  • I may come into a family already (OK, well being in my mid-30s, I need to be open to this concept.)

But a few other things he told me recently are the following:

  • I need to try new things to meet men (ok, duh!)
  • I need to ask my mother to intervene and bring him to me (OK, mom, I know we’ve discussed this before MANY times, but I am writing out here – PLEASE INTERVENE. I’d like to meet the man of my dreams/who I will marry before my next birthday. Yes, this is an aggressive timeline, but I deserve it!)
  • I need to make space for him – which I did recently. I cleaned out my closet and dressers – there is no ample space for my love to place his items here in our home.
  • I need to put affirmations out there.  If you know me, I am a firm believer in the power of positive thoughts and affirmations. Basically since I started following The Secret and the teachers of these concepts

So what better place to put out my affirmations, than this blog! So here goes:

  • I focus on all the good life has to offer. Thank you.
  • I am worthy of love. Thank you.
  • The love of my life is just around the corner. He will be here within the next two months. Thank you.
  • I am blessed with amazing family and friends. MANY MANY thank yous.
  • I am happy and lucky to have the life I live. Thank you.
  • I am loved by all those around me. Thank you.
  • I am at peace with my life and my choices. Thank you.
  • I am happy and healthy. Thank you.
  • I take time to laugh every day – even if I’m laughing at myself. Thank you.
  • I am grateful for all in my life (especially Ms. Bella.) Thank you.
  • I will have a ball and lifetime of love and abundance with my one true love. Thank you.
  • I am blessed. I am grateful. I am all things good in this world. Thank you.

Why Girls Weekends are Important

26 May

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I decided to start my blog up again.  I know I’ve talked about it and I’ve been reflecting a lot on why I used to love writing so much. I write for a living – not in a traditional sense, but I work in the communications field, so I’m constantly writing and editing something. This blog provided me an outlet and a new way to hone my skills. Am I best the writer? Nope. But does this help me express myself? Absolutely.  Do I hope to turn this blog into something bigger? HELL YA! I’m just doing my research.

But I was thinking recently about two things:

  1. There is a song that can fit ANY situation – work, relationships, whatever…
  2. Girls time is SUPER important.

Last weekend, I went on my annual girls trip to the island with three of my friends for Wine Fest.  It’s our fourth year going together and every year, we have a ball. ;)  We drink, we eat, we shop, we just get really silly.  Basically, we put our cares away and always comment how “re-entry” back to the city and real life is tough.  I feel that it’s important we spend this time together since it allows us to just forget about some of our cares and just have a good time together. No muss, no stress, just some time away.  And a lot of laughs. And maybe one of us stumbles along the way. Hey, it happens.

8212441-two-wine-glasses-in-toasting-with-splash

And every year, I see my bartender.

Yes, my bartender.  He is my safe haven from the rest of the world.  We expect just to have fun – and cause a lot of trouble – together. He is part of the reason why re-entry is so tough. Do I expect more than just time together on the island? Nope. We’re on the same page when it comes to that aspect.

So I was thrown for a loop when we’ve texted a little since coming back. Again, it’s been minimal and I don’t expect much beyond a few texts, but it was nice to be wanted and thought of again.

I believe part of the reason why I’m attractive to him is because of my girls. Because when I go there, I am happy, I am having a blast, and I am my best self.  Happiness just exudes from me because of our friendship.  I truly believe that impacts how he sees me.

So why are girls weekends important? You can be yourself with them. You can laugh and be silly. You can be your best self. And that is super attractive.

 

 

 

Trying to Understand

12 May

Since my 20s, my friends have tried to tell e that men say what they mean and act the way they feel, and you don’t have to question anything. It’s pretty simple.  There isn’t any questioning.

Yet, I’m questioning.

The last man I enjoyed going out with was the one document here, and at the time, I questioned if I would hear from him. Well I did. And we had a wonderful second date.  He made dinner plans, bought tickets for a comedy show, held my hand, picked me up early, gave me a kiss goodnight, and said he wanted to see me before I left on my next work trip later that week.

We enjoyed each others’ company and texted saying we wanted to hang out again late that evening and the following morning.

Then why didn’t he ask me out again? Why didn’t he jump on the chance to see me again when I suggested the next date? Why didn’t he follow through with seeing me again when he originally said he wanted to? I don’t get it.  I didn’t push, I didn’t act like a drunken mess. We had a great time and I could see a third date and I thought he did too.

I know it’s not my fault. And I’m sure something just changed with him, but I just don’t understand what happened. Why did I get dumped without any explanation?

I know this is just on my path to finding “the one!”  So I’m putting it out to the universe that I AM  READY TO FIND HIM! Bring my one to me already!

Has this happened to anyone else? Please share your stories!

 

Song Saturday: Can’t Drink You Away

26 Apr

 

 

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